So I decided to stop writing my story. It was stupid with stupid people in it. And so far today sucks. It all started with snooping around on Facebook, which turned into a bad idea by the way. I saw Tianna had some recent activity, the friend who I have been reconsidering even trusting anymore. She was talking about some Marissa chick. I was curious and yes I know the saying curiosity killed the cat. Turned out this Marissa chick is Dag's new girlfriend. Yeah it really sucks to hold on to people for the amount of time I do it. But I do it none-the-less and hurts. Immediately after I texted Tianna telling her we couldn't be friends anymore, next step was deleting her on facebook,which I did rather quickly. I also deleted her father, I'm sure she would tell him about this and this would somehow end up being my fault.
turns out I have trust issues. Not the kind where I have trouble trusting people. No not me I let people in rightaway, hell I tell them my whole life story. That's my major flaw because they either turn on me completely or I have to turn on them because its not comfortable for me anymore. Watch out because if you betray me or hurt me in anyway I WILL cut you out of my life. And the suckish thing outta all of this is I was wearing a really cute outfit before all of this happened now back in my pajama spending the day in my bed feeling sorry for myself.I just feel like everyone I trust and open up to always ends up letting me down. I'm not so much mad at the fact that she's friend with his new girlfriend but more the fact that she felt she had to hide from me. Dag can have her I don't want to be friend's with someone who chooses a guy over me, better yet my ex guy. That may be selfish but maybe sometimes you have to be alittle bit selfish to get over yourself and who you are. My self esteem is now at an all time low. So i'm gonna do what I do best sulk, watch some anime.
Lindsey
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Story: The lovable ghost,Bob-Part 1
Just a little story I'm writing for my friend. Input will be valued. I changed the names in order to protect certain people.
Tilly was a simple girl. She lived with her parents and her little brother on a farm. She had a job at the local gas station. The only problem was Tilly had her heart mangled in a thousand million ways. First there was Tilly's long time ex-boyfriend Miguel(who was not Spanish) Miguel started out being a good boyfriend but had changed the past couple years. He had now become well a jack ass. Then there was Bardot a boy from Iceland whois twins with Dooley, his brother. Bardot and Tilly had become lovers, or in this new time friends with benefits. Alas Bardot had recently said he was interested in other women. That broke Tilly's heart,she deeply cared for Bardot, enough that she only wanted him with her. They both ended things on friendly terms.
Still Tilly's heart yearned for love. She told her college pal Lucy that she didn't need it but even Lucy herself knew the truth because everyone needs love. Lucy was needy and narcotic but Tilly still respected her as a person.Tilly lay on her bed trying to forget about Bardot. Her father stumbled into the room.
"hey you buy my cigs yet?" he asked Tilly.
"you need a new addiction."
"haha thats what I said about Bardot." her dad smiled. She threw a pillow at his head. He left the room laughing.Tilly let out a sigh. She heard the move for a second. She thought she was going crazy. Out of the corner of eye she saw a white figure. She screamed.
"What the hell are you!?!"
The weird figure was a dashing young man. His hair blonde small yet strong body type.
"Hi I'm Bob, well Robert but I hate that name so Bob is fine. You see I'm here because my soul is unsettled untill I find my purpose my soul is unrested. Do you think you could help me miss?"
Tilly shook her head in awe.
"No this isn't happening,its just a dream!"
She ran out of the room in tears. For could anything go wrong.....
Tilly was a simple girl. She lived with her parents and her little brother on a farm. She had a job at the local gas station. The only problem was Tilly had her heart mangled in a thousand million ways. First there was Tilly's long time ex-boyfriend Miguel(who was not Spanish) Miguel started out being a good boyfriend but had changed the past couple years. He had now become well a jack ass. Then there was Bardot a boy from Iceland whois twins with Dooley, his brother. Bardot and Tilly had become lovers, or in this new time friends with benefits. Alas Bardot had recently said he was interested in other women. That broke Tilly's heart,she deeply cared for Bardot, enough that she only wanted him with her. They both ended things on friendly terms.
Still Tilly's heart yearned for love. She told her college pal Lucy that she didn't need it but even Lucy herself knew the truth because everyone needs love. Lucy was needy and narcotic but Tilly still respected her as a person.Tilly lay on her bed trying to forget about Bardot. Her father stumbled into the room.
"hey you buy my cigs yet?" he asked Tilly.
"you need a new addiction."
"haha thats what I said about Bardot." her dad smiled. She threw a pillow at his head. He left the room laughing.Tilly let out a sigh. She heard the move for a second. She thought she was going crazy. Out of the corner of eye she saw a white figure. She screamed.
"What the hell are you!?!"
The weird figure was a dashing young man. His hair blonde small yet strong body type.
"Hi I'm Bob, well Robert but I hate that name so Bob is fine. You see I'm here because my soul is unsettled untill I find my purpose my soul is unrested. Do you think you could help me miss?"
Tilly shook her head in awe.
"No this isn't happening,its just a dream!"
She ran out of the room in tears. For could anything go wrong.....
Monday, August 8, 2011
Top 4 reasons why this summer sucked
As you see I'm in a real good mood right now. So yeah here goes....
1. My Grandmother died- I don't know why this upset so much, it just did. Her death seems to haunt me.I keep remembering that morning waking up seeing on facebook that she was dead. I remember going to her empty apartment after, seeing my Grandpa but not her. Smelling the smoke,going in her room expecting to see herself and not seeing it. Seeing my father suffer these couple months and knowing there's nothing I can do or say to make things better for him.Half the time I wonder if he even misses her. If he does he doesn't show it, why should he she was so sick to begin with.
2. Kim left and never returned- One of my good friends Kim went back to Ohio to surprise her family. She was supposed to come back in two weeks. We were supposed to spend the 4th of July on the beach having a picnic, we were supposed to go to Geek.kon in September the three of us Kim, Alisa, and me, we were supposed to get drunk on Alisa's 21st. Kim smoked pot and her jackweed brother told on her. I guess she forgave him but I don't know still seems wrong.I don't know I just feel like this vital piece of my life seems to have less meaning. When Kim was around things seemed lighter. If i was in a bad mood as long as i was around her I was in a better mood.
3.Dag dumped me- Well pretty much, to me when a guy doesn't want you anymore its pretty much a dumping. Apparently he liked me but just wanted to be friends. For guys that's code for "yeah I don't like you anymore," I'm not saying I was in love with the guy but I did care about him alot. It was really hard for me because he liked anime. I love anime I still say its one of the reasons I'm still alive. I couldn't use as an escape every-time I watched it, it reminded me of him. Except for D.Gray Man I never knew his opinion on that show, so it was ok. I can't forget the way he touched me and Oh boy did he touch me, and I really wish I could because I can't get it out of my head.
4.Bergbraders are moving- A family that has made a deep input on my life, especially Jessie. It's just going to be so different without her. I guess I can still text and stuff but somehow I know it won't be the same. Its been hard for me the past couple months for me with her. Mostly because I've kept stuff from her to protect her. Just recently she found out about the religion. I know that was hard for her too because even though I kept from her she saw it coming. That's another thing about Jessie she can read me like a book. I know I disappointed her deeply by walking away from god, but It was something I needed to do.
So thats my list of my how my summer went from really good to utterly bad. Yeah depressing as it is, that's how it went. Sorry I will try to post less depressing things.
Lindsey
1. My Grandmother died- I don't know why this upset so much, it just did. Her death seems to haunt me.I keep remembering that morning waking up seeing on facebook that she was dead. I remember going to her empty apartment after, seeing my Grandpa but not her. Smelling the smoke,going in her room expecting to see herself and not seeing it. Seeing my father suffer these couple months and knowing there's nothing I can do or say to make things better for him.Half the time I wonder if he even misses her. If he does he doesn't show it, why should he she was so sick to begin with.
2. Kim left and never returned- One of my good friends Kim went back to Ohio to surprise her family. She was supposed to come back in two weeks. We were supposed to spend the 4th of July on the beach having a picnic, we were supposed to go to Geek.kon in September the three of us Kim, Alisa, and me, we were supposed to get drunk on Alisa's 21st. Kim smoked pot and her jackweed brother told on her. I guess she forgave him but I don't know still seems wrong.I don't know I just feel like this vital piece of my life seems to have less meaning. When Kim was around things seemed lighter. If i was in a bad mood as long as i was around her I was in a better mood.
3.Dag dumped me- Well pretty much, to me when a guy doesn't want you anymore its pretty much a dumping. Apparently he liked me but just wanted to be friends. For guys that's code for "yeah I don't like you anymore," I'm not saying I was in love with the guy but I did care about him alot. It was really hard for me because he liked anime. I love anime I still say its one of the reasons I'm still alive. I couldn't use as an escape every-time I watched it, it reminded me of him. Except for D.Gray Man I never knew his opinion on that show, so it was ok. I can't forget the way he touched me and Oh boy did he touch me, and I really wish I could because I can't get it out of my head.
4.Bergbraders are moving- A family that has made a deep input on my life, especially Jessie. It's just going to be so different without her. I guess I can still text and stuff but somehow I know it won't be the same. Its been hard for me the past couple months for me with her. Mostly because I've kept stuff from her to protect her. Just recently she found out about the religion. I know that was hard for her too because even though I kept from her she saw it coming. That's another thing about Jessie she can read me like a book. I know I disappointed her deeply by walking away from god, but It was something I needed to do.
So thats my list of my how my summer went from really good to utterly bad. Yeah depressing as it is, that's how it went. Sorry I will try to post less depressing things.
Lindsey
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Fine you Win!!
So,since I'm not moving up to school until the 30th, and people(two) kept convincing me to write. I decided I will keep this thing updated until August 30th and then you shouldn't expect so much. I have too many thoughts in my head and no one where to record them anyway. I could put them on facebook but then I would probably be harshly judged, not to mention my mother would probably think I was emo or trying to kill myself. So let's try to keep myself for causing another scene that I don't need. I know if I'm on here I have very few viewers,the ones that do view-know not to take me too seriously.
Today is my Grandpa's Birthday, he is 75. He's spent the whole day crying over my grandmother's dead presence. Even if a person does it a million times it's still hard to see. No one someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do or say to take away the pain. Though I can kind of relate after being ignored for the second time and being used as a make out buddy, I can't say I relate completely. She was the love of his life that died. Dag didn't die. He's still alive even though it hurts alot because I let myself care,he's not dead. I know I said I wanted him to die truthfully I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I think thats when you know you truly care about someone is when they die and you find yourself so lonely and barren. When you spend 20 or 30 years at least without departure. I want to find a love like that.
It is hard to get over someone but not impossible. Actually self talk helps alot. I did today when my friend texted me who's also friend's with Voldermort(Dag's Nickname), texted me something about him. It was some menial thing but still it made my breath heavy. But then I just remembered that it was for the best and if I truly I would want him to be happy. I felt better it was weird. I'm sure there'll be lots more guilt and what not, I mean it is me. That's my weakest flaw I let myself care too much.But I know I can do, I have lots of friends who love me.
Lindsey OUT.
Today is my Grandpa's Birthday, he is 75. He's spent the whole day crying over my grandmother's dead presence. Even if a person does it a million times it's still hard to see. No one someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do or say to take away the pain. Though I can kind of relate after being ignored for the second time and being used as a make out buddy, I can't say I relate completely. She was the love of his life that died. Dag didn't die. He's still alive even though it hurts alot because I let myself care,he's not dead. I know I said I wanted him to die truthfully I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I think thats when you know you truly care about someone is when they die and you find yourself so lonely and barren. When you spend 20 or 30 years at least without departure. I want to find a love like that.
It is hard to get over someone but not impossible. Actually self talk helps alot. I did today when my friend texted me who's also friend's with Voldermort(Dag's Nickname), texted me something about him. It was some menial thing but still it made my breath heavy. But then I just remembered that it was for the best and if I truly I would want him to be happy. I felt better it was weird. I'm sure there'll be lots more guilt and what not, I mean it is me. That's my weakest flaw I let myself care too much.But I know I can do, I have lots of friends who love me.
Lindsey OUT.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
More Drama and Goodbye!
Life isn't always easy, no one ever claimed it would be. It is promised to have hardships,death, and pain. I know I've had plenty of blessings in my life and lots I should be thankful for. But somehow I always find room to complain.Somehow I've feel like I've needed some kind of male boy thing, in my existence, although my father is great male leader. Somehow that's not enough. I think its this fantasy when I had when I was little. Meet prince charming fall in love find meaning in life. This summer I had a boyfriend, well I wouldn't really consider him a boyfriend. I don't really consider a month or less a real relationship but he gave me my first kiss. Yes that's right now my innocence is completely shaken well for the most part. He lost feeling for me like every guy does, so I ended things over text, yeah being me I overreacted. I chased after him, being clingy,stupid yes but I really liked the guy. And the other night I said somethings to a friend how I wanted him to die and what not. No I didn't mean it, it was a mix of anger and being hormonal. she said it was harsh, which it was but I had just found out he liked someone else. I say things when I'm hurt. No I'm not making excuses just stating the facts.
I also as REM, would say lost my religion. It's a long complicated story that I don't have time to type on my last blog. This is my last blog because, with college, and various other activites. I don't think I'll time for this. Plus I haven't written in this very much anyway. So anyway goodbye. Thanks to Kayleen Mickelson for commenting, you ROCK!
I also as REM, would say lost my religion. It's a long complicated story that I don't have time to type on my last blog. This is my last blog because, with college, and various other activites. I don't think I'll time for this. Plus I haven't written in this very much anyway. So anyway goodbye. Thanks to Kayleen Mickelson for commenting, you ROCK!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Alzheimers here I come!
Not even joking, I swear I am in the early stages of Alzheimers.I not only the left the stove not only once but THREE times. I mean who does that? me. Thats who. I still feel like I'm different from everybody else as I always forget things. Pretty sure I'm almost just as my grandpa. Anyway today sucked, realized college might not be for me. Yeah not sure what else to say....so goodye.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Yet uncomfortable again!
So I got myself in yet another comfortable situation. I will confess it was party my fault. Anyway getting past the jist of that, I think I am now clear headed. My relationship has been less than perfect but yesterday...something happened that made me realize how much I really need him. I think as humans we don't think right, its just natural. We think that we don't god, we ourselves have our own god complex. We don't realize until we hit rock bottom how much we fail without him. Yesterday through the midst of tears: i asked god to forgive and actually recommitted my life to god. I know its like 500th time but I just think you can't do that enough.
Love lindsey
Love lindsey
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