Fine you Win!!

So,since I'm not moving up to school until the 30th, and people(two) kept convincing me to write. I decided I will keep this thing updated until August 30th and then you shouldn't expect so much. I have too many thoughts in my head and no one where to record them anyway. I could put them on facebook but then I would probably be harshly judged, not to mention my mother would probably think I was emo or trying to kill myself. So let's try to keep myself for causing another scene that I don't need. I know if I'm on here I have very few viewers,the ones that do view-know not to take me too seriously.

Today is my Grandpa's Birthday, he is 75. He's spent the whole day crying over my grandmother's dead presence. Even if a person does it a million times it's still hard to see. No one someone is suffering and there's nothing you can do or say to take away the pain. Though I can kind of relate after being ignored for the second time and being used as a make out buddy, I can't say I relate completely. She was the love of his life that died. Dag didn't die. He's still alive even though it hurts alot because I let myself care,he's not dead. I know I said I wanted him to die truthfully I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I think thats when you know you truly care about someone is when they die and you find yourself so lonely and barren. When you spend 20 or 30 years at least without departure. I want to find a love like that.

It is hard to get over someone but not impossible. Actually self talk helps alot. I did today when my friend texted me who's also friend's with Voldermort(Dag's Nickname), texted me something about him. It was some menial thing but still it made my breath heavy. But then I just remembered that it was for the best and if I truly I would want him to be happy. I felt better it was weird. I'm sure there'll be lots more guilt and what not, I mean it is me. That's my weakest flaw I let myself care too much.But I know I can do, I have lots of friends who love me.

Lindsey OUT.

More Drama and Goodbye!

Life isn't always easy, no one ever claimed it would be. It is promised to have hardships,death, and pain. I know I've had plenty of blessings in my life and lots I should be thankful for. But somehow I always find room to complain.Somehow I've feel like I've needed some kind of male boy thing, in my existence, although my father is great male leader. Somehow that's not enough. I think its this fantasy when I had when I was little. Meet prince charming fall in love find meaning in life. This summer I had a boyfriend, well I wouldn't really consider him a boyfriend. I don't really consider a month or less a real relationship but he gave me my first kiss. Yes that's right now my innocence is completely shaken well for the most part. He lost feeling for me like every guy does, so I ended things over text, yeah being me I overreacted. I chased after him, being clingy,stupid yes but I really liked the guy. And the other night I said somethings to a friend how I wanted him to die and what not. No I didn't mean it, it was a mix of anger and being hormonal. she said it was harsh, which it was but I had just found out he liked someone else. I say things when I'm hurt. No I'm not making excuses just stating the facts.

I also as REM, would say lost my religion. It's a long complicated story that I don't have time to type on my last blog. This is my last blog because, with college, and various other activites. I don't think I'll time for this. Plus I haven't written in this very much anyway. So anyway goodbye. Thanks to Kayleen Mickelson for commenting, you ROCK!

Alzheimers here I come!

Not even joking, I swear I am in the early stages of Alzheimers.I not only the left the stove not only once but THREE times. I mean who does that? me. Thats who. I still feel like I'm different from everybody else as I always forget things. Pretty sure I'm almost just as my grandpa. Anyway today sucked, realized college might not be for me. Yeah not sure what else to say....so goodye.

Yet uncomfortable again!

So I got myself in yet another comfortable situation. I will confess it was party my fault. Anyway getting past the jist of that, I think I am now clear headed. My relationship has been less than perfect but yesterday...something happened that made me realize how much I really need him. I think as humans we don't think right, its just natural. We think that we don't god, we ourselves have our own god complex. We don't realize until we hit rock bottom how much we fail without him. Yesterday through the midst of tears: i asked god to forgive and actually recommitted my life to god. I know its like 500th time but I just think you can't do that enough.

Love lindsey

Uncomfortable

Uncomfortable such a quiet word. In the dictionary or dictionary.com defines it as-

un·com·fort·a·ble

   /ʌnˈkʌmftəbəl, -ˈkʌmfərtəbəl/ Show Spelled[uhn-kuhmf-tuh-buhl, -kuhm-fer-tuh-buhl] Show IPA

–adjective

1.

causing discomfort or distress; painful; irritating.

2.

in a state of discomfort; uneasy; conscious of stress or strain.

My sense of feeling is quite odd. Just some certain people make me really uncomfortable. Like take my boss for instance no offense to her, nice lady but every time I'm around her, I'm aware she could make my life a living nightmare. Or she could at least shift my mood swings. This is not the first time I've felt this way. I work for nutritionist its not really a real job but it makes me feel useful. Anyway I was in "My Office" coloring ( don't ask) she came in plying for the other computer. I was listening to music, I muted as soon as she got to work on the other computer.A couple minutes later she of course told me it was fine if I listened to music. I was embarrassed, so I gave the excuse I was getting ready to turn it off anyway.Stupid.

Other people I feel uncomfortable around. Boys mostly and by that I mean boys I like. Al tough there is this one boy who lately I have been feeling quite comfortable around him. I feel like if he would let me I could be myself for once. Don't worry, nothing will happen but its nice to know and to feel that way again.

Chili feed at church

So, today we had a chili feed at church. It was for a bunch of adults at our church raising money to see both my sisters in Bolivia. Well it was pretty cool. I hate chili but they had hotdogs too, so it all turned out okay. Not to mention my mom had to make a two layer chocolate cake all day yesterday, it tortured my father and I because we couldn't eat it. So after church I finally got some...it was good.

It was sad though being with everyone from Youth Group and realizing that I might not be doing this for much longer. I'm kinda hoping I fail the entrance exam and UW-Barren decides they don't want me anymore. I feel like I'm doing what everyone else has done in my life...left. Please pray for me.
Lindsey

Freash start!

That's right here goes. I'm jumping off the edge of the pool head first and I don't care where I land. In the past year well let's just say it hasn't been best for me. I mean December through February was great then it went downhill from there. It took me a while to get back on my feet, not to mention I've needed alittle help. But never the less here I am looking to go forward with my life. In January I will be going to UW-Barren in Rice-lake for two years of college. Then who knows whats next all I know I'm ready. I'm ready to move on with my life in full strife. I'm really ready to move out and hopefully stay away from Fall Creek a little bit. So watch me go.....