Northwestern- College visit

Today was the my mother and I went to Northwestern college in the cities. I had a meeting with Jessica williamson about my application and financial aid, then talked to David about my "disability". Both started out to seem easy then ended with least to say complicated. Both Jessica and David seemed like generally nice people, but I still didn't like the fact that dyslexia is linked with blind for Northwestern. Being blind is a serious condition dyslexia on the other hand less serious. But sometimes I wonder if I see myself differently from how other people see me. Sometimes I wonder if I look like a lost puppy trying to find her way home and everyone has to be nice to her. I want to be normal thats all I have wanted to be my whole life but sometimes I wonder if I am. Don't get me wrong I like being borderline crazy but is it too much?

Another thing that makes me wonder my mother was talking to this David guy explaining that in second grade I was mainstreamed. But I apparently I begged to go back into the special classes. Somehow I have no recollection of this! I mean I would think crying to my parents about needing help would be a pretty traumatic event in my life I WOULD REMEMBER. Then why don't I? It makes me feel like there is something more to this dyslexia. What do you think? I'm overacting right? So I guess I'll know next week if I'm excepted or not.. you'll hear from me then.

Lindsey

Moving on

I was going to write this blog entry a couple days ago but lost track of time. This year is my last year in high-school(hopefully) and to tell you the truth I'm kind of going to miss it. Not being in high-school believe me I do not want to go back to that lion's den but just having my life being so simple not having to plan everything. Monday night I was just sitting at home twittering with my hair, when my mom comes home claiming I have a meeting with Northwestern college on Thursday. I'm supposed to meet with some guy named David don't remember his last name he's the person who deals with learning disabilities-what I have. A part of me was really excited I love Northwestern , love the atmosphere, love the people but apart of me wants to stay here. Yes there may be a stupid reason I want to say but its really making me question my thoughts. So I'm really hoping tomorrow will be another wake up call to me. Because I really need one.

Lindsey

Finishing up senior year

I'm about to go driving with my sister, but I suppose I could say a quick hi before I leave. So my life lately?I have only twenty days left before I finish up icky high school. I've been trying to mend my "friendship" (if thats what you call it these days) with Necoda, yes no friendship or whatever code I've been using these days. Trying to be a real relationship with God it has it's good and bad days. I'm just kinda learning to take things slow and learn to trust him completely. Oh and to finish it all up I'm going to attempt to get lincense. Yeah thats all I'm going to leave with rightnow.

Rape Dream

So, I had this dream a couple days ago but found it really creepy and odd I just had to share. I know normally people don't share their nightmares,especially not when it has to do with a sore topic like rape. But if you know me you know I'm pretty out there and most of my life is like an open book. Oh also just to let you know this is my third rape dream the first one had to do with lying to my mother about being raped, the second was about my friend getting raped then confiding in me, and this one I was actually the victim. 

It started out with me walking along some street without my headphones ( trust me this relevant). I see this carriage driver a creepy old man with an odd blue outfit. He was a giving a young couple a ride I  looked up and he was looking at me. Later I was walking down that same street again this time with my headphones blaring my music so I couldn't hear anything. I saw the man again this time just walking by himself without any carriage. He smiled at me and started to say something but I just smiled back because I had my headphones on. I started to turn the other direction and he began to follow me then I went the opposite way, still following me. I must of said something like "I don't have any money with me." because then he said "I'm not really a carriage driver." Then he got on top of me and started to force himself on me,trying to rape me. I don't truly know if I was raped because the dream ended. I'm secretly hoping that I kicked where it hurts and quickly ran off because it would be better than the alternative.

No I've never been raped in real life but I can't even imagine how horrific it would be.  I wrote about this because lately every-time I've tried to write on this website something better catches my eye and I get distracted. Sorry.

See-ya later

Lindsey