Grandma's Engagment ring....

I never knew my first Grandfather,he died when my father was just a young boy. All I've ever heard about him was he was a school teacher and died of somesort of cancer. There are days when I wish I could get to know him a little. I'm saying I'm not greatful getting to know my step-grandpa Joe but sometimes I just wonder what it would of been like with Grandpa Aaron. Sometimes I just wish I could have some kind of connection with him.

Although I Don't know very much about my first Grandpa. I know one thing. He and my Grandfather we're deeply in love. I know from the way she talks about him. The way her eyes light up and her voice cracks alittle. I know from the way my dad talks about them as parents. I know from the way the both talk about his death. Like it happened too fast.

Before Christmas Kayleen told me Grandma Kay wanted me to have her engagment ring that Aaron gave to her. The feeling I had was excitement, now I would finally have a connection to my Grandfather in heaven. Yesterday I went to her and she gave it to me. It's beatiful! One simple yet elegant diamond and a small wedding band. I have to wear it around my neck because her fingers were so small. I don't mind, I don't really like wearing rings on my fingers anyway. Eversince I've been wearing the rings around my neck life seems brighter. I just seem happier than I normally am. Every bitter thought I've ever had about love has now disapeared. It even gives me hope for my own future someday. I no longer feel single any longer, when I have the rings around my neck I have feel my Grandpa's and Grandma's love living inside of me.

Today I actually looked myself in the mirror smiled ten thousand times and told myself I was pretty. It was amazing.

Better than expected

Well at first I was kind of disapointed this season. Usually right when December comes I get that little giddy Christmas spirit down in my stomach. This year it was different, I didn't feel it rightaway. I just felt cold and unfeeling. Where are you Christmas by Cindy Lou Who kept ringing in my head. We're always told as kids to appreaciate the small things at christmas and not to focus so much on the material items. But this year though I'm gonna lie the only thing that made me excited was opening the gifts. I know its wrong but its just how I felt, and sometimes you just can't control how you feel.

I thought What is wrong with you? You cold unspirited creature! It wasn't untill it was Christmas Eve's day... I went shopping with my father, helping him pick out all the holiday foods and getting frustrated with his bossing posture. When we arrived home with extra family my sister Kayleen told us that Christmas Eve Service was cancelled. Disapointment arose again for it didn't really feel like Christmas Eve without that special Service. I htought my mood would go down, that I would be depressed the rest of the night. I turned out to be wrong again, for the dinner my dad made was delicious and my parents friends actually didn't bug for once. The next morning when my neice Teagan woke us up at 7:00 which is;if you think about it really early. I did feel the christmas spirit. Madeline opened up my present and was really grateful for my present/ a barbie. I knew then god was looking down on all of us.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Yup. Thats right folks! Tomorrow is the big day. Since I was like five Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. It's probably been because I got to open a million gazillion presents I will admit my motives have always been completely selfish. I know that material products aren't suposed to make us (human beings) happy,but at the moment, after the ripping of the paper was done, I seemed pretty happy at the moment. It was only months later when I would realize that maybe it wasn't the presents that Christmas was ever about.

Tomorrow we will pick up my sister-in-law and her adorable kids. We will go shopping for the big Christmas dinner. We will go to the Christmas Eve Service and pretend to be undivided bliss, even if inside we are secretly screaming. We will open our one present, watch the Polar Express and then go to bed. Only to wake up tomorrow to open more presents to feel that one happy moment. When we're expecting so much more.

Behind in dream journaling

I've realized I've updated alot since the last time I've been gone, so that's good. I plan to write alot more since Christmas is coming up and there will lots of exciting events to write about. Like for instance The old fashioned Christmas program that I will be singing in and of course our churches Christmas program which I also got roped into.

It's a known fact that everybody has like atleast a thousand dreams at night. Most people don't remember them of course. Well you see, I try to make it so I can remember my dreams. See I'm kinda obsessed. Infact I have a journal that I record all my dreams in. Actually I've had two and a half. I'm in the half one rightnow. It sucks though because the journal I'm writing in is not very good for writing in if you know what I mean. But anyway so like last week I had this dream about Ruth Hurd going to prom with me and that her mom was some beached mammoth, yea not gonna lie, it was beyond weird.

But eversince I've been neglecting to write it down. I don't know if its cause I've been really tired or because I just don't want to hand write. Oh well! I guess I will just have to write it down rightnow.

The first snow fall..

Hey blog buddies! So yesterday and today it snowed alot.Christmas is my favorite holiday but I strongly believe its not Christmas without snow. So when Jessie texted me last night telling me Fall Creek would be cancelled because of of some white flurries, my heart jumped a little bit. Then this afternoon she texted me again telling me play practice was also cancelled. At first I replied with "Oh thats just horrible!" but inside my head I was really screaming "YES YES!!!".

Now there are some obvious reasons why would be estatic that practice was cancelled. Could be that I wouldn't have to have that certain person avoid me for the fourth hundred time ( I will not be typing their name down even though I have before). Two I can watch Glee live. Or if my parents are going out to eat I can go with them. I'm pretty sure those are some really good reasons not to go to practice tonight. Anyway I just wanted to say how thankful I am that god created snow...

Lindsey

Where will I be in the future?

I know what's with all these questions as titles? That in itself was its own question. I don't know why I keep asking questions for my titles. Maybe because it fits my personality? If someone else knows the answear please feel free to tell me. So this past year I graduated from High school and figured out that I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. This past year I relaized alot. First that I have it really good and so I should stop complaining. Second that I liked youth group ALOT.

So, no I don't exacty have a plan.Rightnow I'm just leaving it up to god. But apparently doing that that isn't exactly doing the right thing. I just know god wants me to stick around here, I don't why but I'm going to listen to him. Truthfully I don't know what the future holds, I'm just sick of people judging me for not knowing what I want rightnow.

Lindsey

To trust or not to trust people?

Hi, so I'm back from the newly discovered dead and I promise I will write more frequently. Especially since my life is just ever so exciting ( not really ). I don't know why I didn't write for all these months. I was kinda busy, I was in a play and am now currently in one. But I think the main reason why I didn't write was because I didn't really know what to say.Lets just leave it with some stuff that happened over the summer, since I last wrote. I didn't really want to publicize what had happened quite yet, well actually I tried a few times but gave up. Rightnow I'm still figuring out how I want to deal with the certain situation.

But I won't be talking about that in this blog entry. Today I wanted to talk about trust and why it is so hard to come by. First, of all there's all this crap with Tiger Woods. Ever since I was like ten I always thought Tiger was a pretty decent guy, so yea he's not exactly a christian but I was always told just because someone is not a christian does not make them a bad person. Plus I always thought he was the hottest gulf player/whatever ever. Recently as many of you know he's had an affair with his wife. I heard they are going to try to work things out. This past summer my friend,let's just say was treated "badly" by her boyfriend,anyway long story short she ended up dumping him. From what I heard he was a jerk so she had every right to do that. But Tiger still seems like a good guy to me. I mean he apologized to his fans and the fact that he's still trying to work things out seems geniune to me. I just think its weird that I don't think Tiger is a horrible person. Then it occured it me, its probably because I have some sort of trust issues.

It's true Lindsey Mickelson has trust issues. No not the kind where you don't tell close people stuff that maybe you should. Its the kind where no matter who the person is you tell them everything even if at some point they tell the whole world. Yeah and it's happened to me before. So still liking Tiger is just step one. I don't really know if it's right or wrong? The trusting not the cheating. I don't know,my dad seems to think he's still a good guy too. But yeah just thought I would share my feelings with everyone who reads this thing.

umm anyway I hope I update some more. I figure all I need is nerve.
Lindsey