Uncomfortable

Uncomfortable such a quiet word. In the dictionary or dictionary.com defines it as-

un·com·fort·a·ble

   /ʌnˈkʌmftəbəl, -ˈkʌmfərtəbəl/ Show Spelled[uhn-kuhmf-tuh-buhl, -kuhm-fer-tuh-buhl] Show IPA

–adjective

1.

causing discomfort or distress; painful; irritating.

2.

in a state of discomfort; uneasy; conscious of stress or strain.

My sense of feeling is quite odd. Just some certain people make me really uncomfortable. Like take my boss for instance no offense to her, nice lady but every time I'm around her, I'm aware she could make my life a living nightmare. Or she could at least shift my mood swings. This is not the first time I've felt this way. I work for nutritionist its not really a real job but it makes me feel useful. Anyway I was in "My Office" coloring ( don't ask) she came in plying for the other computer. I was listening to music, I muted as soon as she got to work on the other computer.A couple minutes later she of course told me it was fine if I listened to music. I was embarrassed, so I gave the excuse I was getting ready to turn it off anyway.Stupid.

Other people I feel uncomfortable around. Boys mostly and by that I mean boys I like. Al tough there is this one boy who lately I have been feeling quite comfortable around him. I feel like if he would let me I could be myself for once. Don't worry, nothing will happen but its nice to know and to feel that way again.

Chili feed at church

So, today we had a chili feed at church. It was for a bunch of adults at our church raising money to see both my sisters in Bolivia. Well it was pretty cool. I hate chili but they had hotdogs too, so it all turned out okay. Not to mention my mom had to make a two layer chocolate cake all day yesterday, it tortured my father and I because we couldn't eat it. So after church I finally got some...it was good.

It was sad though being with everyone from Youth Group and realizing that I might not be doing this for much longer. I'm kinda hoping I fail the entrance exam and UW-Barren decides they don't want me anymore. I feel like I'm doing what everyone else has done in my life...left. Please pray for me.
Lindsey

Freash start!

That's right here goes. I'm jumping off the edge of the pool head first and I don't care where I land. In the past year well let's just say it hasn't been best for me. I mean December through February was great then it went downhill from there. It took me a while to get back on my feet, not to mention I've needed alittle help. But never the less here I am looking to go forward with my life. In January I will be going to UW-Barren in Rice-lake for two years of college. Then who knows whats next all I know I'm ready. I'm ready to move on with my life in full strife. I'm really ready to move out and hopefully stay away from Fall Creek a little bit. So watch me go.....

The love of Katara and Aang...

So that's right me Lindsey Jo Mickelson has gotten into anime. The fact of that statement just makes me want to gag. I swore to myself when I was atleast ten that I would never like that stuff but here I am now watching a tv series on dvd about anime. I'm not sure how it reallly happened, it just did. My friend Alisa who also has a blogspot told me about this movie coming out Avatar: The Last Airbender she told me the guy from Twilight(Jaskson Rathbone) was going to be in the movie. Not that I'm obsessed with Twilight or anything like that but I do happen to think The guy who plays Jasper(Jackson) happens to be a pretty good actor. Anyway I saw the trailer for the movie and thought it looked pretty good. Then I find out that there's a whole show circled around the movie that's being made. It turns out the show had been aired on Nickelodeon and it happens to be anime. I was bored waiting for another tv show to be on and guess what happened to be playing on Nickelodeon? Thats right Avatar: The Last Airbender, so I watched it. A couple nights later two episodes managed to be playing on Nick, I actually enjoyed them. The character Socca added alot of comic relief. I also noticed something else...

In the episode I was watching the character Katara seemed to care alot for the main character Aang's well being. It was to the point where it looked like she was in love with him. So I talked to my friend Alisa the next day. I asked her if Socca was going to be played by Jackson Rathbone she of course said yes. Then I said, "That girl with the weird hair is in love with Aang right?" she laughed and said, "You mean Katara? yes." Well she said something in the matter of that anyway. Long story short I ended borrowing seasons 1,2 and ,3 and watching them. I ended loving the show despite the fact that its anime. I watched myself fall inlove with the love of Katara and Aang. Now I'm obsessed planning to buy all three of the seasons for myself and excited for the movie to come out in July.

You see the thing about Katara and Aang is that there love is like the perfect romance. I know thats alot considering the romance is written in and controlled but still...its amazing. Katara has always been there for him. Aang is so afraid of hurting Katara and goes at any length to protect her. They always blush around eachother its so cute.They always know what to talk to about and aren't afraid to approach eachother. Its just so cute.

Grandma's Engagment ring....

I never knew my first Grandfather,he died when my father was just a young boy. All I've ever heard about him was he was a school teacher and died of somesort of cancer. There are days when I wish I could get to know him a little. I'm saying I'm not greatful getting to know my step-grandpa Joe but sometimes I just wonder what it would of been like with Grandpa Aaron. Sometimes I just wish I could have some kind of connection with him.

Although I Don't know very much about my first Grandpa. I know one thing. He and my Grandfather we're deeply in love. I know from the way she talks about him. The way her eyes light up and her voice cracks alittle. I know from the way my dad talks about them as parents. I know from the way the both talk about his death. Like it happened too fast.

Before Christmas Kayleen told me Grandma Kay wanted me to have her engagment ring that Aaron gave to her. The feeling I had was excitement, now I would finally have a connection to my Grandfather in heaven. Yesterday I went to her and she gave it to me. It's beatiful! One simple yet elegant diamond and a small wedding band. I have to wear it around my neck because her fingers were so small. I don't mind, I don't really like wearing rings on my fingers anyway. Eversince I've been wearing the rings around my neck life seems brighter. I just seem happier than I normally am. Every bitter thought I've ever had about love has now disapeared. It even gives me hope for my own future someday. I no longer feel single any longer, when I have the rings around my neck I have feel my Grandpa's and Grandma's love living inside of me.

Today I actually looked myself in the mirror smiled ten thousand times and told myself I was pretty. It was amazing.

Better than expected

Well at first I was kind of disapointed this season. Usually right when December comes I get that little giddy Christmas spirit down in my stomach. This year it was different, I didn't feel it rightaway. I just felt cold and unfeeling. Where are you Christmas by Cindy Lou Who kept ringing in my head. We're always told as kids to appreaciate the small things at christmas and not to focus so much on the material items. But this year though I'm gonna lie the only thing that made me excited was opening the gifts. I know its wrong but its just how I felt, and sometimes you just can't control how you feel.

I thought What is wrong with you? You cold unspirited creature! It wasn't untill it was Christmas Eve's day... I went shopping with my father, helping him pick out all the holiday foods and getting frustrated with his bossing posture. When we arrived home with extra family my sister Kayleen told us that Christmas Eve Service was cancelled. Disapointment arose again for it didn't really feel like Christmas Eve without that special Service. I htought my mood would go down, that I would be depressed the rest of the night. I turned out to be wrong again, for the dinner my dad made was delicious and my parents friends actually didn't bug for once. The next morning when my neice Teagan woke us up at 7:00 which is;if you think about it really early. I did feel the christmas spirit. Madeline opened up my present and was really grateful for my present/ a barbie. I knew then god was looking down on all of us.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Yup. Thats right folks! Tomorrow is the big day. Since I was like five Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. It's probably been because I got to open a million gazillion presents I will admit my motives have always been completely selfish. I know that material products aren't suposed to make us (human beings) happy,but at the moment, after the ripping of the paper was done, I seemed pretty happy at the moment. It was only months later when I would realize that maybe it wasn't the presents that Christmas was ever about.

Tomorrow we will pick up my sister-in-law and her adorable kids. We will go shopping for the big Christmas dinner. We will go to the Christmas Eve Service and pretend to be undivided bliss, even if inside we are secretly screaming. We will open our one present, watch the Polar Express and then go to bed. Only to wake up tomorrow to open more presents to feel that one happy moment. When we're expecting so much more.