The perfect blog

Ok so no one I know,knows how to keep a blog. That means you Alisa,Kevin, and Kayleen,you guys need to learn. Alisa your the one who updates the most and I understand your computer is slow so I'll give you a break but as for you Kayleen and Kevin. Do I have to spell it out for you W-R-I-T-E M-O-R-E! I write like almost everyday and I'm not even good at it so thats gotta be saying something. Kayleen I get it your blog is about Bolivia but don't leave us hanging tell us some more interesting facts about the country write some creative make believe stories.Kevin your a grown man you must have a lap top if you don't, you have a job get one.

My perfect definition of a blog,it is updated almost everyday. Perfect grammer and includes details about personal and public stuff. If thats not a blog someone tell me what is?


Now Kevin will not see this blog because he doesn't know I have one and Kayleen won't care. But hey I had fun being mean and that is all that matters. So about my life lately I went to my sister's race yesterday. The day before that I had another sad dream it wasn't about Ian though, yes Kayleen will know what I'm talking about. I debated Texting Michael and telling him the truth but I don't know if he would be mad or not. I've tried to forget about it but I have trouble letting things go and it really hurts. If I told him atleast it would take a few blocks of my shoulder's or it could makes things worse. Oh I don't know Kayleen your the smart one tell what to do! and don't give me " its your decision if you want to tell him or not" I hear that from everyone. I want to hear the practical choice whats the most senisable thing to do? Oh yeah Necoda was at church today he avoided again. So I skipped out on sunday school to make things less tense. Maybe he won't be at youth group tonight we'll see how things go....

Good dream

It was my first dream about Ian.That means I am starting to develop feelings for him, it can be a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing because it will be make me happier and I'll focus less on things I should be off. Bad thing it could make me more depressed about guys then I already am. My dream consisted of me waking up looking like crap and going outside seeing his car and him dressed in a tux waiting for me. I apologized for forgetting about our date and went back inside to get ready. I came out in a red poofy dress and I started to talk to him. I see this dream as a good one because I was being brave and kissed him on the cheek. He looked happy about it and I went back inside to get something. As happy as this dream made me I know I have to face harsh reality He was flirting and touching Pennie tuesday night like I said I'm not outgoing. All he said to me was "sorry" and for bumping into me.

Today was me being crabby to my entire family including my sister who just came home from a foreign infested country. Do I feel bad about it? Not really I know everyone had thier moments today was not one of mine. I think its the fact that I'm an adult who doesn't have thier lincense and I'm alone and have never been in a serious relationship. Oh well life goes on.

Lindsey

Volleyball again!

I swear I will eventuatally kill everyone that goes to my school. Okay Don't take that seriously its just my anger talking. We played volleyball in gym again! Everything would have been fine If stupid Jamie Heland would'ntve have opened her mouth. So I stood infront instead of behind when I served. I can actaully hit it over the net,well she ruined that all with " Can we stand infront of the line?" "Well then how come she can?". So if my personality dosen't scream crazy person lets add this to it and make me think more negitive thoughts. No one on my team defended me they just all stood there and continued the game. Then Alissa Roberts who was my previous team who said it was okay that I stood infront of the line also just stood there on the other side. Oh and Eliza Smith I'm pretty sure she has it out for me because she was the one who told her it wasn't ok to stand infront of the line. What did I ever do to her? Be nice to her sure I didn't know that was grounds for a grudge? The only reason I hate everygirl in my grade is because after middle school they treat me as though I don't exist. I'm not saying I'm the most important thing in the world but atleast acknowlage I'm there. But I know I should just let it go so thats what I'm going to do.

Also Kyle Mayer sick of him too. Normally I would be fine with him but last Saturday but he said some stuff to me. Ok I was being selfish and stating my opinion when it was not needed but he totally bit my head off. Again I'm trying not to hold a grudge and let him off the hook. i'm actaully thinking of leaving a note in his locker saying that but not leaving my name.

Lindsey

Public or Private?

To be public or private that is the question?Okay that is my best try at Shakespere so just ignore that. I'm talking about this blog thing, you see Kevin Sieg got a blog. Kevin is this guy that goes to my church. Well he got a blog and lately I've been thinking about my making my blog public. Because then I would get more comments and More people would view it. Then I would tell Kevin I had a blog and he would read it most likely comment. But then I thought of the negitives. I like posting personal things on here If Kevin got here He would possibly figure who the love hurts guy was or he might know who Ian is. So I decided I will have a private blog for now even if I am writing to myself its still fun.



I just hope Kevin dosen't find Kayleen's blog. Because he will find out where my blog is not good. So practice last night interesting it was hard. Instead of Jordan being my dance partner Ian is. I'm not happy about that because he dosen't want to by my partner because oh I don't know he dosern't like me. Actually I have a another theoroy for him but I am not ready to share that outloud. And I know its sickening but apart of me still wanted him to be.I just wish he wanted the same thing.

Homecoming Dance= Bust

Seriosly you'd think homecoming senior year would be fun. Well not Fall Creek's infact the opposite. I got there on a five-hour shot my friend shared with me ( didn't work). I had no energy so I just there the whole time and walked around. They played dumb music the whole time. The only good stuff they played was Jonas brothers and Disturbia. When I was a freashmen I used to anticipate the slow dances, so that someone would ask me to dance. This year when they had slow dances I hid in the batheroom so that I would'nt have to dance with someone I didn't have feelings for. Trust me you don't want to get into stuff like that. Alot of people just left not that I blame them. I would have left too if I could have. So basically my homecoming sucked ending statement.

Lindsey

Stupid!!

Thats what I am stupid. Last nights game did not go well for me. Well It wasen't like I got shot in the heart or broke my leg that kind of bad. I just completely embarrassed myself infront of a bunch of people. First my friend pulled her knee out of her socket whicth was bad for her not me. So she left the game early TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL. Here comes the embarrassing stupid part. I ran into Necoda a guy from church he asked if he could walk around with me I said yes. See I started to tell him I didn't think his sister liked me stupid. Because a couple weeks ago his sister asked me if I thought he was cute. I said he was like a little kid cute not cute cute. Now she thinks I like the guy, she once asked me if I was jealous because he got a girl's number at nationals. I was not jealous I was happy for the guy, it was cool ok?

So then I told him because she thought I liked him and I told him I didn't like him. Wow next stupid thing I did. Did I even consider this guy might have feelings? Not for me I mean you would have to be pretty insane to have feelings for me. But I mean he could be fragile. What if he thought I meant I didn't like him at all? Or what if he was hurt that I talked to him about his sister. He probably really cares about her and now I'm disscussing with him how she "suposedly" hates me.

Numero 2 stupid thing that happened, we contined to talk untill walked by Corinda and her gang. She summoned me to talk her for a mintue. Yeah she asked me if he was my boyfriend, oh yeah and he heard. I said no he's just a friend from church. We continued to walk I was laughing about this now the only thing was HE WAS NOT. Then somebody else asked " is he your boyfriend?" qustion. Megan's(can't spell last name) mom asked because Alisa's cousin wanted to know. Alisa remind me to kill your cousin when I get to school Monday. Then Megan's brother started saying we would start as friends and then fall in love. I reassured them we were just friends and not in the nicest way. Again with his feelings! I probably made him sound like I didn't want to be with him because he's a horrible person. He's not I think Necoda's really cool and now I probably lost his friendship. He was gone after that and he avoided me the rest of the game. He didn't even make eye contact. I feel so bad why me god? Why me?

Yes, Ian was there did he talk to me? No infact I was invisable like I am at school. I walked by him like 5 thousand times. I thought about saying hi but I didn't want to look deseperate. Jessie who is actually normal said hi to him because she's not afraid like I am. Oh forgot to mention the fact that I lied to Pennie about still liking Ryan because,I didn't want her to know I like Ian now. Yeah what if she mentions it Jessie? I've already lied enough to Jessie she is not going to be happy about this. Me and my stupid mouth why can't I just put on mute the rest of my life.

Lindsey

Homecoming

Yeah its not that exciting. Today,you know we had the day where we don't have classes, we play stupid games, with stupid who we have no idea who they are. Yeah we spent an entire middle school, elementry, and high school together but you still have no idea who the heck they are. Well me I didn't sign up for anything because its stupid why should we sign up with stuff its just going to awkward anyway. Me personally I hate awkward situations and everyone at my school is awkward. Therefore solution don't sign up for anything thats what I did my had a cow. So I don't fit in especially at school so whats the point of signing up for anything just to get shot down no thanks.

Tonight is the homecoming game yeah against Osseo. Ian is supposed to be there not that I care... because I do. Ok I care alot because I want to move and so far Ian is the only person who I've felt an emotional with. Yes I know I should find the right person to that with but I just to experiment for a little bit. So mabye he won't notice I'm there but I'm hoping he will. I'm hoping he'll talk to me and mabye even flirt a little. Is that so wrong? Ok i'm trying to be optimistic, you know more bright. The old Lindsey would say He probly won't talk to me, he won't even notice I'm there well i'm trying to not think about it that way. Anyway I'll you about it tomarrow or something.

At School

I'm at school rightnow not really that exciting. in activiy period surprisly they haven't figured at my website yet so they haven't blocked it. Practice was good but nothing too exciting happened. He talked to me a couple of times but he payed more attention to Pennie I guess she's more outgoing than I. Oh well thats something I will never be able to change. Oh and a bunch of funny things happened but It might not be funny to you so I won't say it.

Oh and I did have a weird dream heres how it went. I woke up like at 9:00 and went into the bathroom. It was odd because my hair was all curled up nice and i always have bed head in the morning. Then Kayleen entered the bathroom we said hi and headed downstairs. When we arrived in the kicthen Jessie was helping my parents prepare breakfast. So I all like "Jessie what are you doing up so early" because she dosen't get up early unless its for school. "oh your parents let me in". Then everyone left the room and I was alone. I lifted up my sock and my leg was bleeding and I didn't do anything about it, just put my sock back down.

Lindsey

Guilty Trigger

Today was twin day, I was twins with Alisa. And the whole day I was thinking about my "distraction" and first I was all happy and giddy inside because It just felt good to have positive thoughts towards a guy. Then halfway through the day I started to feel this guilty feeling twinging at mt heart. It was saying this was wrong and its not right to Ian either. I mean he probly doesn't feel the same way its not fair to him to like him when he dosen't like me and believe me I can tell when people like me. As I was saying its also wrong to chase someone who does not want to be chased. Not like I would ever chase him but still he dosen't like me its not fair. The only person I told about my "distraction" was Kayleen in confidence. Unfortunately Jessie found out anyhow (like she always does).... well she asked. At first I said no but then I decided to tell her truth because the last time I lied she didn't like it too much.

I told her over facebook and I thought at first she felt uncomfortable about it. She sounded annoyed or uneasy about. But after school she talked to me awkward disscussion Here's how it went:

Jessie- hi Picker (don't ask)

Lindsey- hey

Jessie- Excited for tonight?( nudges me) oh I bet you are.

Lindsey- (I blush)shut up!

Jessie- what you should be excited!

Lindsey- Jessie I don't want to go just because of that reason.

Jessie- why not!

Anyway it went on but I think you get the awkwardnisity. So anyway not really excited to go tonight. I know I'll freak out if he dosen't even talk to me. But like I said I don't want to be that girl. Thats why I'm not going for only for him. Anyway I'll tell you how it goes either tomarrow or tonight.

Lindsey

Volleyball er....

Things aren't getting much better. Today in my gym We played volleyball Yes I would vomit too. On my team Cesar(Kyle Mayer), Eliza Smith ( I don't think she likes me anymore) Charlie, and some freashmen Don't know his name. Yeah not very happy with eliza got alot of animosity from her and I was trying my best. So there was one time I could of hit the ball and I didn't what're going to do kill me? Yeah the rest of the game she like yelling my name " Lindsey"when the ball came towards me and once I did hit to charlie who unfortunately didn't hit it over the net. But seriously I hit it like three times, although not successful hits I did try isn't that all that matters.

Come on I'm just sick of feeling bad. Then of course there was the chick on the other team blonde chick btw who was making fun of me. I think? I'm pretty sure I heard her lip " she's just standing there" Ok if she did say that kind of rude and I was not just standing there I spiked the ball numerous times atleast getting it over the net once. And I also hit the ball in the air three times and thats alot of times. And what does she know she's just blonde and everybody knows brunettes are the real women. Sorry if I offended any blondes out there I'm trying to work on being more confident about myself.

Went to practice tonight and figured out I don't like Jordan not like that anyway. We didn't dance the waltz so he didn't get uneasy with me. But there is this guy there that I think I'm starting to like although I'm sure he wants nothing to do with me. Or my conclusion I'm using him as a rebound guy to get over anonymous D/ and mabye even Ryan.I feel like I'm still holding on to him. Sometimes you can't just get over people cold turkey you need a distraction thats what I need Ian for besides its not like anything will happen. don't worry I'll like him from afar.

Lindsey

Love hurts!

Love Hurts

Love hurts love scars love wounds and mars any heart Not tough or strong enough to take a lot of pain Take a lot of pain love is like a cloud holds a lot of rain. Love hurts love hurts I'm young I know but even so I know a thing or two I've learned from you I've really learned a lot really learned a lot. Love is like a flame It burns you when it's hot. Love hurts love hurts some fools rave of happiness Blissfulness togetherness some fools fool themselves I guess But they're not fooling me I know it isn't true I know it isn't true Love is just a lie made to make you blue Love hurts love hurts. Love hurts love scares love wounds and mars any heart . . .


Yeah its true people love hurts and it sucks. Rightnow I"m mad really mad and I don't even know why. You see I used to like somebody but then got into a relationship. So I basically deleted them from my life they were on my facebook now there not. I bet ya they didn't even notice yeah thats how the people I care about act.So everything was going fine I vowed I would'nt think about them anymore, I would block them from my life. And it was working it really it was untill we went to my sisters friend's apartment and she brought up there freakin relationship. How he never pictured being with someone like her and all this good stuff. Well I told Kayleen her friend needs to stop gossiping and just keep things to herself. Because I was fine I was doing fine untill her stupid comments now I'm really mad really mad.Whatever I"ll move on or whatever. I'll just let them flaunt there relationship right in my face by using other people. To the person who this whole stupid blog is about you suck and I hate you I know you did nothing and that all of this is my fault. Well I don't wish you good luck get congrats from somebody else because all of my compassion for you is gone. I'm done now.

Saturday

So yes its finally a day where I don't have to be at school. But today seems very unproductive, I just feel like I should be going to a movie or getting ready for homecoming or something. Today just feels very dull and bla... I want to get out there, save the earth.I know homecoming isn't untill this coming friday but it makes me nervous just thinking about it. I have so many unansweared questions like.... Who am I going with? Do I have a date?(probly not) Where are we going out to eat? Am I going to do anything after homecoming?

After all its a good thing homecoming is not rightnow.My questions above make me sound like a person with OCD. Well I can't think of what else to write I'm going to my friend's sister's house today. Hopefully I will find out if she has a date or not. If we don't find out, it will kill me. My sister has been sick so we probly won't stay very long then its going out to with my parents friends. I'm only looking forward to the going out to eat part not the parents friend's part there weird really weird but then again who isn't weird to me. So anyway wish me good luck for tonight.

Single Status!!!

so I just want to apologize for not posting yesterday I had this big long quite funny story I was going to put on. But I became tired and unmotivated and decided just post another day. So nothing too exciting happened lately except for my friend wrote a scarringly terrible (funny) creative writing prompt and My Grandpa took us out to this spagetti feed thing. Didn't really like the food except for the garlic bread and theres also the fact that he's my gramps, and he's well he is just odd ok?

Oh forgot to mention that my friend asked her crush to homecoming. I know what your thinking jealous much? Actually I'm not, I'm actually really happy for her. Because I'm thinking mabye if she gets a boyfriend it gives hope for damaged people like me. Then she wanted to find me a date but honestly, I would rather sit boredly with Alisa then go with a date. They are clingy and they follow you everywhere. Yup its just better to go alone or with your geeky friends.

So yes I'm single and love is amazing I admit it. It looks good on other people NOT ME! I suck at relationships especially guy/girl,yes one day I hope I will fall in love. And yes I admit there are a couple options Jordan my dance partner for the play but he's way younger than me and you know about adults dating minors and if thats not enough I'm sure my dancing makes him vomit enough. Ryan my ex (sort of) who I recently added on facebook surprisly he actually talked to me but he has no feelings for me,infact I'm not sure he ever did. Then theres always Penn Badgley the only celeb I can picture myself rightnow.

Day 2

Well Its Day 2 of my blogging. I know yesterdays blog wasn't very long I know well lets just say nothing interesting is happening. Yesterday I had my first practice for Meet Me in St. Louie. I am not a main part in that, i'm just a backround person but that does not bother me.

1. Because I suck at acting and dancing.I'm decent at singing but i'm no whitney Housten.

2. Then I don't have to worry to living up to anybody's standards I can just be myself what i'm trying to work on.

3. Hopefully me being less busy will increse my dream times.

So anyway I was talking about Yesterday. Nothing exciting happened at practice everyone just practiced dancing then the mains stayed after.....

and this morning I woke up realized when I got to school (scruel) I had missed the first Pep club meeting. And this amazing life continues

First post!

So as my first official blog I'm excited to say. I just want to say the title of my blog name has nothing to do with people feeling bad for meor because i'm really sad. Its because I'm single but which means I'm lonely in love's point of view so rightnow I'm lonelygirl plus 18 yrs. old.