Grandma's Engagment ring....

I never knew my first Grandfather,he died when my father was just a young boy. All I've ever heard about him was he was a school teacher and died of somesort of cancer. There are days when I wish I could get to know him a little. I'm saying I'm not greatful getting to know my step-grandpa Joe but sometimes I just wonder what it would of been like with Grandpa Aaron. Sometimes I just wish I could have some kind of connection with him.

Although I Don't know very much about my first Grandpa. I know one thing. He and my Grandfather we're deeply in love. I know from the way she talks about him. The way her eyes light up and her voice cracks alittle. I know from the way my dad talks about them as parents. I know from the way the both talk about his death. Like it happened too fast.

Before Christmas Kayleen told me Grandma Kay wanted me to have her engagment ring that Aaron gave to her. The feeling I had was excitement, now I would finally have a connection to my Grandfather in heaven. Yesterday I went to her and she gave it to me. It's beatiful! One simple yet elegant diamond and a small wedding band. I have to wear it around my neck because her fingers were so small. I don't mind, I don't really like wearing rings on my fingers anyway. Eversince I've been wearing the rings around my neck life seems brighter. I just seem happier than I normally am. Every bitter thought I've ever had about love has now disapeared. It even gives me hope for my own future someday. I no longer feel single any longer, when I have the rings around my neck I have feel my Grandpa's and Grandma's love living inside of me.

Today I actually looked myself in the mirror smiled ten thousand times and told myself I was pretty. It was amazing.

Better than expected

Well at first I was kind of disapointed this season. Usually right when December comes I get that little giddy Christmas spirit down in my stomach. This year it was different, I didn't feel it rightaway. I just felt cold and unfeeling. Where are you Christmas by Cindy Lou Who kept ringing in my head. We're always told as kids to appreaciate the small things at christmas and not to focus so much on the material items. But this year though I'm gonna lie the only thing that made me excited was opening the gifts. I know its wrong but its just how I felt, and sometimes you just can't control how you feel.

I thought What is wrong with you? You cold unspirited creature! It wasn't untill it was Christmas Eve's day... I went shopping with my father, helping him pick out all the holiday foods and getting frustrated with his bossing posture. When we arrived home with extra family my sister Kayleen told us that Christmas Eve Service was cancelled. Disapointment arose again for it didn't really feel like Christmas Eve without that special Service. I htought my mood would go down, that I would be depressed the rest of the night. I turned out to be wrong again, for the dinner my dad made was delicious and my parents friends actually didn't bug for once. The next morning when my neice Teagan woke us up at 7:00 which is;if you think about it really early. I did feel the christmas spirit. Madeline opened up my present and was really grateful for my present/ a barbie. I knew then god was looking down on all of us.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!

Yup. Thats right folks! Tomorrow is the big day. Since I was like five Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. It's probably been because I got to open a million gazillion presents I will admit my motives have always been completely selfish. I know that material products aren't suposed to make us (human beings) happy,but at the moment, after the ripping of the paper was done, I seemed pretty happy at the moment. It was only months later when I would realize that maybe it wasn't the presents that Christmas was ever about.

Tomorrow we will pick up my sister-in-law and her adorable kids. We will go shopping for the big Christmas dinner. We will go to the Christmas Eve Service and pretend to be undivided bliss, even if inside we are secretly screaming. We will open our one present, watch the Polar Express and then go to bed. Only to wake up tomorrow to open more presents to feel that one happy moment. When we're expecting so much more.

Behind in dream journaling

I've realized I've updated alot since the last time I've been gone, so that's good. I plan to write alot more since Christmas is coming up and there will lots of exciting events to write about. Like for instance The old fashioned Christmas program that I will be singing in and of course our churches Christmas program which I also got roped into.

It's a known fact that everybody has like atleast a thousand dreams at night. Most people don't remember them of course. Well you see, I try to make it so I can remember my dreams. See I'm kinda obsessed. Infact I have a journal that I record all my dreams in. Actually I've had two and a half. I'm in the half one rightnow. It sucks though because the journal I'm writing in is not very good for writing in if you know what I mean. But anyway so like last week I had this dream about Ruth Hurd going to prom with me and that her mom was some beached mammoth, yea not gonna lie, it was beyond weird.

But eversince I've been neglecting to write it down. I don't know if its cause I've been really tired or because I just don't want to hand write. Oh well! I guess I will just have to write it down rightnow.

The first snow fall..

Hey blog buddies! So yesterday and today it snowed alot.Christmas is my favorite holiday but I strongly believe its not Christmas without snow. So when Jessie texted me last night telling me Fall Creek would be cancelled because of of some white flurries, my heart jumped a little bit. Then this afternoon she texted me again telling me play practice was also cancelled. At first I replied with "Oh thats just horrible!" but inside my head I was really screaming "YES YES!!!".

Now there are some obvious reasons why would be estatic that practice was cancelled. Could be that I wouldn't have to have that certain person avoid me for the fourth hundred time ( I will not be typing their name down even though I have before). Two I can watch Glee live. Or if my parents are going out to eat I can go with them. I'm pretty sure those are some really good reasons not to go to practice tonight. Anyway I just wanted to say how thankful I am that god created snow...

Lindsey

Where will I be in the future?

I know what's with all these questions as titles? That in itself was its own question. I don't know why I keep asking questions for my titles. Maybe because it fits my personality? If someone else knows the answear please feel free to tell me. So this past year I graduated from High school and figured out that I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. This past year I relaized alot. First that I have it really good and so I should stop complaining. Second that I liked youth group ALOT.

So, no I don't exacty have a plan.Rightnow I'm just leaving it up to god. But apparently doing that that isn't exactly doing the right thing. I just know god wants me to stick around here, I don't why but I'm going to listen to him. Truthfully I don't know what the future holds, I'm just sick of people judging me for not knowing what I want rightnow.

Lindsey

To trust or not to trust people?

Hi, so I'm back from the newly discovered dead and I promise I will write more frequently. Especially since my life is just ever so exciting ( not really ). I don't know why I didn't write for all these months. I was kinda busy, I was in a play and am now currently in one. But I think the main reason why I didn't write was because I didn't really know what to say.Lets just leave it with some stuff that happened over the summer, since I last wrote. I didn't really want to publicize what had happened quite yet, well actually I tried a few times but gave up. Rightnow I'm still figuring out how I want to deal with the certain situation.

But I won't be talking about that in this blog entry. Today I wanted to talk about trust and why it is so hard to come by. First, of all there's all this crap with Tiger Woods. Ever since I was like ten I always thought Tiger was a pretty decent guy, so yea he's not exactly a christian but I was always told just because someone is not a christian does not make them a bad person. Plus I always thought he was the hottest gulf player/whatever ever. Recently as many of you know he's had an affair with his wife. I heard they are going to try to work things out. This past summer my friend,let's just say was treated "badly" by her boyfriend,anyway long story short she ended up dumping him. From what I heard he was a jerk so she had every right to do that. But Tiger still seems like a good guy to me. I mean he apologized to his fans and the fact that he's still trying to work things out seems geniune to me. I just think its weird that I don't think Tiger is a horrible person. Then it occured it me, its probably because I have some sort of trust issues.

It's true Lindsey Mickelson has trust issues. No not the kind where you don't tell close people stuff that maybe you should. Its the kind where no matter who the person is you tell them everything even if at some point they tell the whole world. Yeah and it's happened to me before. So still liking Tiger is just step one. I don't really know if it's right or wrong? The trusting not the cheating. I don't know,my dad seems to think he's still a good guy too. But yeah just thought I would share my feelings with everyone who reads this thing.

umm anyway I hope I update some more. I figure all I need is nerve.
Lindsey

Happy 4th of July!

It's finally here! Firworks! Good food! Family!You name it I bet the forth has it... The burning question is what am I doing on the forth? Well rightnow the twins are over well rightnow there in Augusta with my mother at a quilt show. But the point is they were here and they will be later. Later we are (as in our family) supposed to be going to the Kristufek's for firework's. I still think thier kind of weird but whatever.

So I wanted to apologize for my last entry. I realized after I wrote it I had gone a little too far. I'm sure you didn't want to hear about my freaken love life. Sadly to report I will probably be sharing more aka whining. Anyways I'm tired and I feel extremly nauses so I'm going to take a nap.

Love
Lindsey

My new laptop

Hi, Hows everybody doing today? Well the two people who read my blog anyway. so finally I'm typing on my new computer,yes a laptop. That's how you spell laptop right? Because if it isn't please correct me. If you have read my couple of last entry's you've probably noticed that my grammar isn't perfect. I guess what I'm trying to say is I suck at editing things but I think I'm a pretty dang good writer. Back to my new laptop it comes a equipped with a webcam that'
s pretty awesome. Also I got sims 3 because let's face it that game rocks. So life with a new laptop is a pretty good life.

Well as much as I hate when people publicize thier love lives. example A. E Taylor Swift a.k.a Joe Jonas break-up suck it up Taylor it happens btw still love your songs. I guess I really shouldn't be talking seeing how I got dumped over the phone and was pretty bitter over it. Anyway the big risk I was going to take was telling Nekoda hubbard how I felt. That's right he's the guy I've liked for a while he's mick. He was the guy at the football game who acted offensive when I claimed he wasn't my boyfriend. He was the guy who asked me but I said no because I was scared. So sunday I was going to tell him how I felt but somehow someway I couldn't go through with it. Could it be because he was avoiding me like fire does? Or is it because he's always around his guy friend? Or is it because I'm simply scared? I'd go with all three. In the morning everytime he'd walk by me I'd say something like ooo look at those pretty flowers, Kayla are those new glasses?, Or you can't forget the classic That was a funny joke Jessie. Both Jessie and Kayla were rolling their eyes at me. What can I say I'm just a coward. I could have told him at Youth Group but for some reason the words couldn't come out. I was on the same team for the game but everytime he stood next to me all I could do was stay silent. I think one time he did try to talk to me he said little and simple. All I said was " I'm sure you'll have fun." Wow really Lindsey. I know he doesn't like me back but atleast by telling him I would feel better. And if I keep staying in this little tight bubble I'm going to go INSANE. I swear I can tell everybody else besides him heres all the people that know Kevin, both my sisters, Rachel,Kayla, Abbie, Jessie, Chris Spang, and Braxton. Maybe he'll read this and then hey he'll know. Right just someone choke me now. Anyway I better simmer down because I break the computer.

Lindsey

Woah thats not me!

Yeah that's right. We need to keep Lindsey away from all energy drinks.  You see Today is Sunday today I am supposed to do something brave and take a risk by doing... something. Yeah not going to say what that thing is maybe I will someday but for now it stays quiet. Anyway so yesterday  Saturday morning to be exact I decide I'm really nervous so why not take the edge seriously thats all I wanted to do. NOT a good idea. I get a vault, okay so heres the right time to drink a vault  when you have finals and have no motivation to them or when you have a cold and you are at a concert. Now I became a crazed lunatic  I was laughing at everything probably not saying the most sensible stuff. It got worse so I got tired around 11:30 great at-least I'll be able to sleep now. Wrong because I woke up around 2:00 got a text message from Jessie we texted for like an hour couldn't go back to sleep after that. Not that I wanted to, Mp3 player attached to my head for the next three hours as I prance around the room. It finally dies around 4:40 so I decide to try to lay down and go to sleep. I don't fall asleep until 5:00 but I wake up at 6:00. My head feels really light almost as if it is a balloon. My body feels numb just like I wanted the only bad thing I feel nippy.  You know how sometimes you can tell when you're crabby? You just feel mad even-though nothing bad has happened to you. The people you're around it seems as though everything they say is offensive to you. Yeah that was me and my parents who have been really great to me lately. First I bit off my mother's head but actually I said that to her " Bite off my head why don't you?" She just kind of stood there starring at my dad like ok. Then I did it again but in my defense she was kind of being pushy. Thats when I realized I'm going to crabby today because of lack of sleep. So yeah Drinking that vault was my own mistake, I can't blame my insomnia on somebody else. I kind of felt like a selfish princess which is basically what I am. But really there's a nicer side to me I can really be a good person sometimes anyway. So I don't know if I want to take a risk when I'm in a bad mood like this. I'm afraid I'll say some really mean things. Wouldn't surprise me if I did.

Being crabby only happens to me sometimes but when I am you do not want to be around me. so after my attacking of the rents I went up to my room and started to of course punch at my punching bag. It actually felt pretty good but then I remembered I should probably go to god in times of anger. So I started to pray about it and ended up finding this verse it made me laugh.  I can't find it now but I'll be sure to let you know what it is if I see it again. Only god knows the real me and as long as him and me are together I'll be alright. Everything is possible through god.

Love

Lindsey

Grad Day!

Annoyed at the moment. Because I'm using my sister's laptob and the mouse clicks really oddly and the whole network is slow. Basically her whole laptop sucks but shhh don't say anything I'm just an accessory. The sad thing my sister you know Green so she won't buy a new one for a long time. So yes today was day. The day where we got our diplomas and said bye bye icky school. Cliche I know but so true. Today had gone better than I expected I thought it would be hectic with my grad party. But my grad party had gone shorter than expected it only went untill six so I quickly opened my presents the best one I got was the new coldplay cd I requested it, yea still have yet to listen to it.

So he 'Mick' came to my party. I talked to him alittle not much but a little he was a little reluctant because I had aproach him. I don't know where things are going to go I know god will handle it though he can handle anything. This morning I really had a scare Mick wasen't at the ceromony so I started to freak out the way I do. Earlier this week I highly considered telling him how I felt but Mr. Vandong made(forced) me not to. This morning when I saw he wasen't at the ceromony I thought I had to tell how I felt. Sometimes when someone isn't there you feel the need to tell embarresing stuff happens with me alot. But he came to my party then I couldn't tell him how I felt. He was being all awkward and I felt like I couldn't breathe... 

Graduation Eve!

The night before graduation its kind of exciting. After summer I have to figure out what I want to do. As much as I hated both Middle school and high-school it was my safe place to hide. I didn't have to make money on my own because I had my parents support and I had to go to school. Now that I no longer am on a controlled schedule I have to figure what I need to do next year to be independent. I'm both scared and reluctant. I'm reluctant because there's this guy will just call him Mick because I don't want to reveal his name just for secrecy. Well Mick kinda asked me out but I said no because of our age differences now Mick and I are avoiding each-other. So I am hoping will Mick will be at the ceremony to tomorrow also maybe at my party but if he's not there then I'll try to talk to him on Sunday.

Jinx

 One of favorite authors is Meg Cabot. One of my favorite books by her is called Jinx. For anyone who's read already knows its about which-craft,no I don't believe in it. Its a fictional book I know the difference between fiction and reality. I don't even read it for the black magic I read it for the romance. I'm a sucker for romance and Zack (the guy in the story) ,kind of have a book crush on him. I've already rented and reread the book TWICE. So I figured why not buy the freak-en thing. I got the book because lately with my luck with love has not been the nicest to me. Last summer I had this book give me this feeling where I believed I would fall in love someday. It's been my dream for a while. So I got it so that it would cheer me up about this whole love thing.

The other-night I prayed for god to show himself to me and he did. At first I was afraid because when my best friend did this she got into a car accident. But what he did was amazing so I know he is with me. Even though I'm going through a little bump with 'Ask me out' guy yeah he's only said one word to me since and it was bye. I was going to apologize to him on friday but then I decided if God wants us to be friends again he'll let it be, I shouldn't force the issue on him. Though I still think about him ALOT I know God has his own plans for me.

Lindsey

Life only gets better from here!

I couldn't think of a better title. I wanted something to do with all the excitement thats been happening in my life lately with graduating and all. So in the past week I have been asked out by a fifteen year old, figured out it was all a ploy to boost his ego ( at-least I think), and now I'm just trying to finish up senior year. See I have to build a model of the golden gate bridge for World history. Plus I have to do a report on Muscle Dystrophy oh fun! So about this guy yea right-now I hate him why would you do that? Ok maybe I don't know the story maybe he does like me I just don't know. Even then it doesn't matter because I'm matter so I guess I'm protecting my heart by doing this. Because its been broken before and I'm just trying to cushion the blow, that may be wrong but I'm doing it anyway.

I was going to let him win but after talking to a teacher about it in confidence he told me not to do that.By not going to the thing I'll be going to tonight I'll let him know that I'm suffering so I decided I'll go! I can always can evil and pretend to kill in my mind. Anyway sorry I couldn't write very much kind of in a harry there's so much to do..

Lindsey

Northwestern- College visit

Today was the my mother and I went to Northwestern college in the cities. I had a meeting with Jessica williamson about my application and financial aid, then talked to David about my "disability". Both started out to seem easy then ended with least to say complicated. Both Jessica and David seemed like generally nice people, but I still didn't like the fact that dyslexia is linked with blind for Northwestern. Being blind is a serious condition dyslexia on the other hand less serious. But sometimes I wonder if I see myself differently from how other people see me. Sometimes I wonder if I look like a lost puppy trying to find her way home and everyone has to be nice to her. I want to be normal thats all I have wanted to be my whole life but sometimes I wonder if I am. Don't get me wrong I like being borderline crazy but is it too much?

Another thing that makes me wonder my mother was talking to this David guy explaining that in second grade I was mainstreamed. But I apparently I begged to go back into the special classes. Somehow I have no recollection of this! I mean I would think crying to my parents about needing help would be a pretty traumatic event in my life I WOULD REMEMBER. Then why don't I? It makes me feel like there is something more to this dyslexia. What do you think? I'm overacting right? So I guess I'll know next week if I'm excepted or not.. you'll hear from me then.

Lindsey

Moving on

I was going to write this blog entry a couple days ago but lost track of time. This year is my last year in high-school(hopefully) and to tell you the truth I'm kind of going to miss it. Not being in high-school believe me I do not want to go back to that lion's den but just having my life being so simple not having to plan everything. Monday night I was just sitting at home twittering with my hair, when my mom comes home claiming I have a meeting with Northwestern college on Thursday. I'm supposed to meet with some guy named David don't remember his last name he's the person who deals with learning disabilities-what I have. A part of me was really excited I love Northwestern , love the atmosphere, love the people but apart of me wants to stay here. Yes there may be a stupid reason I want to say but its really making me question my thoughts. So I'm really hoping tomorrow will be another wake up call to me. Because I really need one.

Lindsey

Finishing up senior year

I'm about to go driving with my sister, but I suppose I could say a quick hi before I leave. So my life lately?I have only twenty days left before I finish up icky high school. I've been trying to mend my "friendship" (if thats what you call it these days) with Necoda, yes no friendship or whatever code I've been using these days. Trying to be a real relationship with God it has it's good and bad days. I'm just kinda learning to take things slow and learn to trust him completely. Oh and to finish it all up I'm going to attempt to get lincense. Yeah thats all I'm going to leave with rightnow.

Rape Dream

So, I had this dream a couple days ago but found it really creepy and odd I just had to share. I know normally people don't share their nightmares,especially not when it has to do with a sore topic like rape. But if you know me you know I'm pretty out there and most of my life is like an open book. Oh also just to let you know this is my third rape dream the first one had to do with lying to my mother about being raped, the second was about my friend getting raped then confiding in me, and this one I was actually the victim. 

It started out with me walking along some street without my headphones ( trust me this relevant). I see this carriage driver a creepy old man with an odd blue outfit. He was a giving a young couple a ride I  looked up and he was looking at me. Later I was walking down that same street again this time with my headphones blaring my music so I couldn't hear anything. I saw the man again this time just walking by himself without any carriage. He smiled at me and started to say something but I just smiled back because I had my headphones on. I started to turn the other direction and he began to follow me then I went the opposite way, still following me. I must of said something like "I don't have any money with me." because then he said "I'm not really a carriage driver." Then he got on top of me and started to force himself on me,trying to rape me. I don't truly know if I was raped because the dream ended. I'm secretly hoping that I kicked where it hurts and quickly ran off because it would be better than the alternative.

No I've never been raped in real life but I can't even imagine how horrific it would be.  I wrote about this because lately every-time I've tried to write on this website something better catches my eye and I get distracted. Sorry.

See-ya later

Lindsey

Burger blast 2009!

I'm really tired So I probably won't write very much. Went to the Burger blast tonight. Let me explain we have this thing called the Burger blast at our church where we cook and serve a meal of burgers and french fries to make money for various fundraisers. After school I just wanted to go to my room get rough with my new punching bag and go to sleep not go to some church fundraising event. I didn't think I would have a very good time plus I didn't want to be around no friendship guy who pretends I don't exist. turns out I went had a 'blast' and no friendship guy went MIA so I didn't have to worry bout that.

The kitchen was hectic but very fun.I kinda felt like superwomen getting all these beverages and putting them on servers trays. I told Jessie about my disturbing dream She laughed kind of and said it wasn't uncommon. I will not be telling you this one even though I would like to just to see your reaction It would be inappropriate so no.Its one of those dreams where you wake up and your like "woah how did that happen?"

Anyway its late and I want sleep so bye for now..

Lindsey

Breakthrough or breakout?

Today in Interper. Comm. things got a little too personal for me. I guess sometimes the skeletons come of the closet well that was today for me. Not everything came but some pretty serious stuff was found out about me. I want to keep this entry hush hush but I just had to write some of it down because I was thinking about it all day. I said this blog would be about my personal life but I meant love life not stuff I've dealt with in the past. So I'm keeping quiet about what what Jeff,Matt, and Mr. Vandong found out about me today. I'm also keeping quiet about the disturbing dream I had last night the bad thing was it was partly about reality. It wasn't the worst I've had but still it was hard for me. 

I don't know how the whole thing came out Mr. Vandong just started asking me questions and I couldn't just sit there and lie. After that not much happened I yelled at my friend for being stupid because she was. Mike tried to make me feel better about gym "oh I should of picked you" well its a little too late for that. I'm just so sick of being the last person picked for once I'd like to be someone's first pick. I may suck but who cares its just a stupid game. What ever happened to taking joy in painful times. I guess I'm not in pain I'm just overly annoyed.

Signing out 

Lindsey

4 a.m

Its an hour before I have to go to school so I write again. I realize I write in here almost everyday I'm sorry for that but I have so much to say. I'm saying you have to acknowledge all of it most of it is crap but it could be interesting I've changed alot in this past year. Mostly I've learned that Christ heals any broken heart it just takes alot of time. James 1-2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds.

So today I woke up at four 3:57 to be exact. I had no idea why god would choose to wake me up so early or why I couldn't sleep last night. Ok well maybe I had a little idea. I didn't know what to do so I prayed our youth pastor always told us if he woke real early he would pray. Thats what I did. I've been using the word confused alot and asking god alot of questions. Sometimes I don't know weather he's telling me to go for it or just ignore it. I figure if I keep telling its not true it won't be. Then there's this guy at my church WHO I DO NOT like I'm just frustrated. We used to be kind of awkward friends now not so much. I'll admit it might be partly my fault. I've said some really stupid stuff to him and yes this is the guy I met at the football game that I embarrassed deeply. I also told him if ever needed any to talk too... well you know the rest. He's a guy what did I expect him to say "Ok thanks your so sweet Lindsey" lets face it they have different minds then girl's do. Though he didn't have the nicest response it was expected for a guy.

I just hate when people ignore me I'd rather they spat in my face. Atleast the problem would have been confronted. At the youth group super-bowl party we were fighting. I told Jessie to tell him to shove it. Boom another slash from Lindsey Mickelson folks. anyway I kind of want to go to school so I can just stop thinking about it.

Lindsey

I saw a face ( Him )

 Ok go with me here I wanted to write about seeing someone I used to like without saying any names. It sounded stupid when I said over again in my head in blog form. So I thought why not make into a little story. It would only be one blog entry long unless you really liked it. It really happened no lie. Just thought this would be fun.

Heather drove Rachel and I into Eau Claire. The streets seemed narrowed, I gazed out the window glancing at people out in the harsh weather.I began to note in my head the different cars blues ones. white ones, all different sorts. We get so close to the Eau claire campuses. We get to the beginning of the interstate when I see the outside of the car and I face I recognize my eyes widen as I take in his face. I talked to him a little over the summer maybe told him a little too much. Pushed him away I tended to do that to people. We passed the car he hardly noticed i was in the silver car. I smiled because as we passed the car I felt nothing my heart had been hardened. 

Toga day

Sno-fest week was this week at Fall Creek High-school. Monday I wore pajamas, Wednesday It was cartoon day so I dressed as Zero the dog from the Nightmare Before christmas,and today I attempted to wear a queen size sheet as a toga to school.It was pink with small dots on it Mrs. Watters and Mrs. White helped me at first then I had to take it off for gym, Cross country skiing yeah not fun. I was sweating like a pig when I finished. Its supposed to be winter you know zero degrees weather I'm supposed to be freezing when I come in from the course not drops of water rolling down my face. Oh well I do prefer to stay warm.

So after that I had to figure out how to put back on my toga. I decided to just walk around and look a fool until someone offered assistance. Alissa Roberts finally tried to help me with the pink blanket only making matters worse. Had to go to World History and Inter. Comm. like a colored floppy thing what fun! Interpersonal was quite interesting. We still finishing sharing our childhood pasts when Jeff decides to bring up Matt's girlfriend. Matt gets offended and throws his clip board at both me and Jeff. Luckily neither of us got hit it was still scary, it was all a misunderstanding Jeff was defending Matt to his girlfriend. I'm finding myself to be enjoying the class although it gets kind of personal. I don't have a problem with being personal but I'm afraid I'll reveal too much. Its too bad I'll have to wait untill Monday to have another class.

signing out for now 

Lindsey

Weird

Usually I'm down with love obsessed with getting my very first kiss but lately i've been finding myself sickened with the thought. Its just it doesn't make any sense I'll be leaving next year anyway.. well I might anyway.I don't want to rope myself into a relationship only to leave them hanging. Today I stood in the mall and a watched a couple hold hands it made me want to throw up. Seriously what's wrong with me? Normally I would be jumping up and down cheering them on. Imagining about my future husband and I doing the same. It might have something to do with this guy no I don't have feelings for him he's in 8th grade for goodness sake but he's really nice, it'd be so cool if he could be my guy friend. Then again every guy I try to friend almost always likes me. It may sound nice but trust me its no piece of pie I almost never have feelings for them. Another problem with this guy friend he's touchy feely he hugged me today. You see I'm not a huggy person I hate clinginess yuck. 

I can't just be like "Don't hug me I'm allergic" No that'll hurt his feelings. The only time I like hugs is when I'm drenched in tears. No you don't hug because your happy unless something amazing happens to you like getting engaged or something. If he likes me I'll have to reject him and look like the villain again. Ok hopefully I'm just being paranoid! To top it off i've been praying to god asking him how I should feel about a certain situation because I'm so confused. I've been doing a really good job with not telling anyone except maybe Jessie knows. Maybe I'll post it someday on my blog, I kinda like bottling it up for once.

Lindsey

Interpersonal Communications

Long name I know. I had just finished finals and I was siked to start my new classes. There was one on my schedule called Interpersonal communication. when Ms. Volbrect first told me I would be taking the class my senior year the first thought that came to mind is that we would learn how to communicate with deaf people or with the blind. Or we would be able to talk work situations or something. Today I walked into the class there were two people not including the teacher Mr. Vandong. The kids were Matt and Jeff. Matt was dating a freshman from our school who's reputation wasn't exactly good. She had gone out with someone who was now in jail for statutory rape. Matt was badmouthing him when I got into the room. Jeff the other boy who was a punk/player call him what you will. When Mr. Vandong handed out the syllabus I was surprised  when I read our main premise of the semester would be learning about relationships mostly romantic type relationships.

Our teacher began to ask who was in a relationship Matt only raised his hand. I of course am still single and Jeff had been with this other girl that went to our school but I believe since his hand stayed down on the desk. Mr. Vandong made some jokes about Matt and his relationship with Brittany something about the lobotomy. It was pretty funny. Yeah not what I expected for the name was the class but it could be interesting. It had the phrase Sexual intimacy on the sheet so wonder what that will be about? I've really only been intimate with one person and that was only holding hands. Ok besides dancing because that doesn't count you could dance with your sister and it would fine. Well one person did try to kiss me once but I wouldn't let them because I wasn't ready. So no I haven't had my first kiss yet, I just want it to be special I want it be the right moment with the right person. Is that so wrong?

Lindsey

what my big mouth does...

Happy second cold day everyone. I hope the first one was a hit. Did the us. went shopping with my sister out to eat you know. So you're probably wondering why I called this blog "What my big mouth does..."? Well its simple really as the two on here know me as can't keep a secret share everything Lindsey. So yesterday something bittersweet happened. When I say bittersweet I don't mean something horrid or so awesome, it just kinda went both ways. 

There's this guy at my school his name is Ryan Lehman well lets just say he's not really christian. Last year me and my friend Alisa cornered him about going to church. Once I heard him and a girl debate why Jesus was at fault for being crucified on the cross. My walk with christ has changed alot lately I've learned not to live with the temporary things but to look ahead with god, this happened after going to districts a youth conference. Its a really long story basically I decided to quit reading Misery by Stephen King because I didn't think it was a good book to start my walk with. The problem was Ryan recommended the book to me so thats kinda a slap in the face to him. Yesterday I told him on facebook why I quit, I told him it would make me depressed and god would not want me to be like that. Well he didn't exactly understand and said some uneasy things. Well me being... me blew up in his face. I called him judgmental and told him to get over it. I also said something that at times I felt god was all I had.

After that I felt horrible blame it on PMS if you will but that was no excuse for yelling at someone. I called Kayleen for advice she told me to apologize.  I had planned to write him a message  saying I shouldn't have blown up like that and I was sorry. When I got home that night I found he had written on wall apologizing himself. I still wrote him a message saying I shouldn't have done that and all that. To my surprise again in my inbox I found a message I had a right to defend what I believe in. I believe this is God's doing because yesterday after the big blow up I came to him and asked him for advice also. I guess he decided to help me out instead and for that I fully owe my life to him. I always did owe to him but now it is makes it more right. So Ryan isn't a christian I still think it is cool that he understood that I love God.

in Christ's love

Lindsey

Cold Day!

No school!No school! Because we have a cold day! Finally we get the closest thing to a snow day in Fall Creek. Like I said numerous times mother nature does not like Fall Creek school. But luckily after 8th hour yesterday the announcement came on that Fall Creek would be canceled tomorrow because of the freezing weather and possibly Friday. So thats why rightnow I'm writing another blog instead standing there daydreaming in gym. last night Jessie, Allyisa, and Alisa all came over we basically did nothing. Apples to Apples, Trivial pursuit, and fooling around with my Dad's camera while Alisa wacthes TV.

Yeah it was pretty fun. Now I sit here just typing away getting ready to do homework and maybe write in my dream journal. You see earlier in the summer I started a dream journal then stopped writing in it because I was simply lazy. Now I just began to write in it some more and BOOM holy dreams. I've had one every night this week, just last night I had one where there was something wrong with my throat. So my mom as evil as she is made me take this stuff that makes you gag it out. Here I was gagging into a sink as the inside skin of my throat goes into the sink and it bleeds now, as she tells me it's okay its supposed  to do that. Oh and then she asks me if I would rather throw up. She was being sarcastic but it was a creepy dream ok?

Lindsey Jo Mickelson

Not Again!

Funny story. I forgot my password again! So I had to reset it again! Frustrating I tell ya. Hopefully the next time I write in here I won't forget it again. I guess I'll have to write on Blogspot more often huh? So about my life? Nothing has changed I still hate my school except for Creative writing. By the way finished my story And I don't usually say this about my work but I LOVE IT! Its called "everything that you ever wanted" yes I got the title from a Hawk Nelson song it was the only place I could find a name that fit the story. Its about a girl named Nora who life is all too ordinary. The funny thing is Mr.L  loved the kissing part take that Heather. Maybe if I feel confident enough about it I'll post it on here.

Lindsey